and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
