I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ruined the universe
Randomize
