i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
