Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
