She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
