We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize