so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize