I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
