i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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