You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
