So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
