Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
