it wasn't lemon gatorade
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
