Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
