you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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