someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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