There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
