Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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