Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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