We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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