she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
