i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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