i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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