He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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