oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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