mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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