Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
