Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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