i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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