Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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