she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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