Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
