i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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