It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
