dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
