he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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