it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
