so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
