Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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