It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize