Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
