I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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