I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
