You work out of a Hotel?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
