Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize