somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
