How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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