there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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