i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize