oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Come on in and take your pants off
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