You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
