I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
