i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
