wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
