If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
not ubering you a puppy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
