I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
