Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
