Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
