i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
