she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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