??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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