franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
