We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Duck Duck Cougar?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
