you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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