Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
