I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
