Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
