Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
