Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
