I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
