Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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