the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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