She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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