Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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